So I wish I could tell you more about my latest escapades, about how I got into a fight with some Polish hoods in a streetcar or about the time I almost got arrested for jaywalking but out jayran the cops. Or about when I met a nice old Chinese woman when I was practicing Tai Chi in the park. Or about that time the bouncer didn’t want to let us in the club but I convinced him that I was an American celebrity and I was coming in with my entourage whether he liked it our not. Or even about the time Dorothee and I were this close to stealing—no, rescuing—the chameleon from the Warsaw Zoo. I’d tell you more about all those things if it weren’t for the fact that none of those things actually happened.

Anyway, everything here is świetnie. Or, fine at least. Except for the fact that I’m in the monetary red zone—well, far past it. But much like you can drive 10 miles past the E, the human body can survive up to a month without any food (or so I hear), so I’m not really worried about dying.

I finished class yesterday, and now I’m on summer vacation. As if I weren’t on vacation before. Really, not having class is only going to give me an extra 10 or so hours a week. Ha… I totally stormed my Polish class, by the way, and I’m facing a difficult crossroads in my life right now: I’m trying to decide whether to throw all this Polish grammar out the airplane window or continue studying it at home for novelty purposes. Help me decide.

Besides that, I’ve really been up to absolutely nothing. Watching TV shows, doing more paintings, working my second novel (Oh, you haven’t read my first one yet?) and drinking tea. Sorry, I wish I could be more entertaining for you.